A Balancing Act

If you’re like me, you’ve probably overextended yourself to please others. While spreading love and positivity feels natural, have you noticed it often becomes one-sided, leaving you drained? Have you ever thought about setting boundaries in these situations?

Take a moment and breathe. I’m not here to attack or judge—just to share a lifelong struggle that might resonate with you. Driven by a deep desire to serve others, I often found myself overextending. I just wanted to be validated and accepted by others. I would even compromise my authenticity, molding myself to fit others' expectations just to make them happy. This pattern is called people-pleasing—when you regularly sacrifice your own needs and desires to keep others happy.

In my case, I struggled to create meaningful relationships throughout my life. I often sacrificed my well-being and sense of identity to keep the peace between my parents, especially during their conflicts. Whenever my parents would fight, it would get tense and they would pressure me to choose one over the other. This created a deep disconnect from my true self, making me feel I had to walk on eggshells to protect those I loved. What child wouldn’t want both of their parents to be happy, especially when seeing them struggle with depression and remorse?

These early experiences ingrained a painful belief that my needs didn’t matter, setting a pattern where I attracted people who mirrored that disregard. Whether they were emotionally unavailable or simply took advantage of my giving nature, these relationships led to many heartbreaks, and eventually, I resorted to controlling behaviors in a desperate attempt to feel loved. This never succeeded, and I ended up causing a lot of harm, which was never my intentions to begin with.

I share this because I believe many of you might relate to this struggle. While it’s not a pleasant journey, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Have you ever felt the same way? As I embarked on my journey of self-discovery and self-love, I realized I could break free from this imbalanced approach to relationships. I discovered that I could create meaningful relationships with people who not only align with my values but also can recognize my worth and even demonstrate reciprocity in caring for one another.

This journey wasn’t easy. Facing those painful memories and holding myself accountable for healing required immense courage, like when I had to confront the impact of my childhood experiences on my adult relationships. But by doing so, I learned to balance my desire to help others with the need to protect my energy and set healthy boundaries.

As you start healing and growing in self-awareness, you’ll notice new opportunities and experiences coming your way. As you grow, you’ll attract people who genuinely value you—flaws and all—fostering deeper, more meaningful connections with those who truly belong in your life. You’ll no longer tolerate being walked over like a doormat, giving kindness while rarely receiving it in return.

These patterns aren’t limited to personal relationships; they can also affect how you interact with authority figures. I found that my people-pleasing would be especially triggered in workplaces, where I’d overextend myself to earn the boss’s approval. This would lead to burnout and dissatisfaction with the job and myself. I would fall into a deep, dark depression where I’d get caught in a habitual work-eat-sleep routine, depriving me of the joys life has to offer. Now, I can set firm boundaries at work, balancing my job with my personal life, while still having energy for hobbies and activities that truly fulfill me.

Setting boundaries can be tough at first. Start small—like saying 'no' when you need rest. Over time, it becomes easier. Do you have a toxic friend who always calls for a shoulder to cry on, but never responds when you’re the one in need? Or do you have an authoritarian boss who demands you compromise your values to benefit them and the business over your family and personal life? It’ll require courage and bravery to learn how to say no, especially if it’s someone you care about or if there's fear involved. I’ve had several occasions where I realized that certain friends weren’t aligned with where I’m at in my life. It was difficult, but I decided to end those relationships, and looking back, those were some of the best decisions I’ve made when it comes to my personal growth and well-being.

In essence, learn how to say no when you’re invited to experiences when your body is telling you that you need rest. Learn how to advocate for yourself if your job is demanding you to sacrifice your dinner date to clock a few extra hours. These small steps can help you recharge your energy, allowing you to give more deeply to others while also protecting your own well-being.

Again, I emphasize that this isn’t an easy task at first. However, once you’ve done it, it becomes easier to do the next time and the next. Over time, setting boundaries will transform your relationships, allowing you to cultivate deeper, more authentic connections with those who truly support and uplift you.

Over time, the people you thought were your friends fade away, which makes room for those who want to be part of your life and add value. Maybe the well-paying job you thought you wanted turns out to be the most miserable experience, leading you to vow never to work in such an environment again. Or perhaps your family wants you to conform to the ‘traditions’ of the family and has been completely unsupportive of who you want to be, so you decide to distance yourself for your health and well-being.

Whether in your relationships, career, or personal life, finding a balance between giving and receiving is essential to your well-being. If you find yourself giving all the time and not receiving enough, take some time to gently observe your behaviors and take accountability for your actions, so that you can change your circumstances. It’s natural to feel hurt by others, but real change starts from within. When you shift internally, your external world will follow.

Take a moment today to reflect: Where can you begin setting boundaries in your life? Identify one area where you can begin setting a boundary, and commit to taking that first step toward a more balanced, fulfilling life. Your journey starts with just one step.